I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
