I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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