I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
