I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
