So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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