think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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