I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
