If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
