____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
