the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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