the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
