remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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