This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
