Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
