i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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