Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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