turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
