I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
