She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
