dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
soo... how was my night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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