so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
