I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
