She is in my trunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
