when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
