Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
