Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
