dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
