i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
