Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
