If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
