OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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