At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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