we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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