you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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