I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
