So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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