If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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