Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
