Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
