I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
