yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
