No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
