I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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