I heard we made out
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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