Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
