marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
