i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
