you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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