And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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