you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
