girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this is an emotional support booty call
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
