well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
